The past few days rattles me with butterflies in the stomach, twisting voices and real words that decreases the blood flow in my brain. The validity dates of my ATT.
Last thrusday, at around 11:30 am, on idle mode in my seat, waiting for my lunch break to take place, I checked my emails from pearson vue. I started reading the rules/protocols/guidelines attached in my ATT and logged in to pearson vue’s site for a clearer version. (i had to check my planner where username and pasword were written, the site was not letting me in) TADAAAN! There in my screen were words clearly stated.. “Once a candidate made eligible, he or she must test WITHIN the validity dates printed on the ATT letter.” That is a part of the paragraph that made me read it over and over again. Baka mali lang ako ng intindi. Hehehe! I have always been aware that ATT’s validity dates is from August 17, 2010 to August 17, 2011. However, all this time I thought I could take it anytime I want as long as I picked/choose a schedule I preferred during that period.( I was really planning to take it next year or the yr after next. ) I picked up my handset and called NEAC, the agency who helped me process everything. Polly, the consultant on the other line said, “Maam kailangan mo syang itake before August 17 or else mageexpire.” Sabi ko pa “WEH?? (hahaha)”,in a funny manner, convincing myself that it is not true. Then she said, “sige ka magaply ka sa ibang state!” then I replied, “ok then, ill go there to pick my schedule by early June.” *hang up then tears drop* I had my lunch break with Honeylyn, and the other 2 med techs. Para lang akong tanga, screaming and shouting while hitting my cigar for I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what I am feeling.. butterflies in my stomach, can’t think straight. Takot ako sa exam na to! And besides, I am not yet ready. *whew!*
I can’t put my emotions then into words. Twisted. Scared. Nervous. Fucked up!!! I printed everything and read it on my way home. Confirmed. Reality needs to sink in. I need to take my NCLEX in two months. I don’t have tons of time. I need to get back to books as soon as possible. Ofcourse I cannot fight in a battle without any sword. I can’t risk it like that. I need to make something. I need a review center. So I checked online which schedule will fit in my remaining time. Called Rachelle Anne’s Review Center. A 25-day program that will start on July 4. It sounds good, but I don’t have 25k for that. My little savings is for my sister’s tuition fee, as what I have promised, then after paying that I have to wait for the my salary to have cash. I had the whole Thurday night to think things over. Friday morning, hindi ako mapakali sa office. My hands kept on putting force into my head, almost pulling my hair. Ate hilds recognized my uneasiness. I AM BOTHERED. Sabi nya, “ayusin mo muna yan.” I called pentagon, the review just started. Eeerrrr… Then I google URC in guadalupe. PRESTO!! 12k for a 20 day review program, but without final coaching. July 18-August 11. Checking pearson vue’s site, the only dates availble for August are 2 3 4, 9 10 11, and 17. After my lunch break, I made up my mind. I’ll go to NEAC and file for the appointment. Using my cc, I paid the $150 fee. Waah.. that’s almost 7k. Tsaka ko na sya iisipin kung pano babayaran. Hehehe! Fingers crossed, hope to get the August 17 exam date. Have to wait for 5-days. I have to resign. I have to talk to my sister and her husband to shoulder jelove’s tuition fee for July-Aug. I was thinking of working at night and studying in the morning pero sabi ko nga hndi ko kakayanin. Sayang lang ang review if lutang lang utak ko sa puyat at pagod. Even a part time job can’t work. I will be resigning once the schedule is finalized. I will be enrolling in URC on June 8, once the salary is out. Rachell Anne is not realistic for me at the moment, masyadong expensive. *sigh* Then once schedules are finalized, I’ll submit my resignation letter. Waw!! Magreresign na ko, for real. I have been thinking of resigning since December. I even put a deadline that on June, and before our site’s transfer tp Techno Hub, I am no longer with NSC-NIH. I am tired, stressed. I am no longer happy with what I am doing. I was not expecting that this would be the reason that will be indicated in my resignation letter. No matter I want to keep it in private, I know I still need to say it to them. Hay..bahala na ang Dyos!
Some things are still hanging. Schedule is still for approval. Dates were not yet finalized. But one thing is for sure, I am about to end my journey in NSC-NIH, and will take the first step for another journey. Tomorrow is uncertain. The future is unpredictable. Fate is unclear. But, I will call this REDIRECTION. Everything happens for a reason. Every step will bring me to the path where I am destined to be. God’s hands will always be my guide, I know He will lead the way.
So help me God.
